Eliminating filter words from your writing: Part 1

I found these tips helpful when editing or writing new stories. Filter words are sneaky beasts, but here's how you can watch out for them:

*from Write It Sideways

What Are Filter Words?

Actually, I didn’t even know these insidious creatures had a name until I started combing the internet for info.

Filter words are those that unnecessarily filter the reader’s experience through a character’s point of view. Dark Angel’s Blog says:

“Filtering” is when you place a character between the detail you want to present and the reader. The term was started by Janet Burroway in her book On Writing.

In terms of examples, Let the Words Flow says to watch out for:

• to see
• to hear
• to think
• to touch
• to wonder
• to realize
• to watch
• to look
• to seem
• to feel (or feel like)
• can
• to decide
• to sound (or sound like)

*from Writerly Days blog

"You might, for example, write:

Sarah felt a sinking feeling as she realized she’d forgotten her purse back at the cafe across the street. She saw cars filing past, their bumpers end-to-end. She heard the impatient honk of horns and wondered how she could quickly cross the busy road before someone took off with her bag. But the traffic seemed impenetrable, and she decided to run to the intersection at the end of the block.

Eliminating the bolded words removes the filters that distances us, the readers, from this character’s experience:

Sarah’s stomach sank. Her purse—she’d forgotten it back at the cafe across the street. Cars filed past, their bumpers end-to-end. Horns honked impatiently. Could she make it across the road before someone took off with her bag? She ran past the impenetrable stream of traffic, toward the intersection at the end of the block."

*from Invisible Ink Editing

"Maria noticed James had gone silent and was staring past her out the coffee shop window. Turning and looking herself, she saw a beautiful woman on the sidewalk, talking animatedly on a mobile phone. Maria felt a little tug of jealousy, and she turned back around furiously and stared at James, who jumped and looked down at his espresso. She realized he wasn’t blushing, but he seemed uncomfortable. “Who is that?” she asked as she watched his face for any sign of guilt. She wondered if he could ever tell her the truth. She decided right then this would be his last chance to regain her trust."

And here it is reworked slightly with the filter words eliminated:

"James had gone silent and was staring past Maria out the coffee shop window. A beautiful woman was outside, talking animatedly on her mobile phone. Jealousy tugged at Maria’s gut, and she glared at James, who jumped and shifted his eyes to his espresso. He wasn’t blushing, but that didn’t mean anything. “Who is that?” she asked. Was he guilty again? Was he even capable of telling the truth?"

The difference between these two paragraphs is striking. By removing the filter words from a first person narrative, you’ll coax out your narrator’s voice so it rings clearly in the reader’s mind. And regardless of the POV, your reader will feel the experience of your characters more deeply and directly.

Sometimes filter words are an essential part of the meaning of the sentence, and in those rare cases, you’ll want to keep them in. But knowing which ones to strike and which to keep requires just a little bit of critical thinking. When you’re editing your own work, ask yourself: What essential information am I leaving out by removing this filter word and/or restructuring the sentence? If the answer is “none,” then put a line through it. 



*And a bit extra from Diana Urban

Said, replied, asked, and any other dialogue tag. Dialogue tags slow your pacing and distract readers from the conversation. You can keep these tags for the first couple sentences of dialogue, but once you established who says the first couple lines, readers can follow the conversation back-and-forth for themselves. Also opt for surrounding dialogue with action instead of dialogue tags. Action will let us see what the characters are doing besides talking, and offer character trait information as well. For example:

“I don’t know where I’m going,” said Derek.

“You have a map,” said Ramona. “Figure it out.”

“Haven’t you been here before?” asked Derek.

“It’s been twenty years,” said Ramona. “How am I supposed to remember?”

could be:

Derek frowned at the street sign overhead. “I don’t know where I’m going.”

“You have a map.” Ramona took a drag from her cigarette. “Figure it out.”

“Haven’t you been here before?”

“It’s been twenty years. How am I supposed to remember?”

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I hope this helped you! Please visit the included links for further reading. And join me for "Eliminating filter words from your writing: Part 2" as I eliminate filter words from my own writing.

-Christine